Tell me a crime anecdote

You are an undercover cop. Come up with and write an anecdote about your criminal life, that you will use to melt in, with your new crime gang.

Use this film as an inspiration.

2 reaktioner till “Tell me a crime anecdote”

  1. Criminal anecdote.

    I was hired as a hitman for this alleged rapist once. My client was apparently a relative to the one of the victims to this guy. She thought the motherfucker was possessed by the devil or some shit, she was a real religious lady. One of these black preaching soccer-moms, I had only ever seen people like that on videos but she was really as crazy as you’d think. But I don’t decline a job, especially not when the motherfucker I’m killing is a rapist. Or an alleged rapist I should say, they were never actually able to gather enough evidence to lock the fucker up. Hence why I was sent to do what I do best.

    Anyway this woman had already gathered some background info on him, so all I really had to do was wait at his favorite coffee shop, then follow him to his apartment and kill him. A simple hit. In, out, quietly without a mess. So I’m waiting outside the café, with its retro neon lights hanging in the windows, cup of coffee in one hand picture of him in the other. At this point I feel like that guy with the book that kills people. I decide who lives and who dies, but there’s no magic, no distance to the target. I’m there, looking the target in his eyes as I end his life, like a real fucked version of the grim reaper. I felt powerful you know, I felt immortal. Anyway eventually this guy walks out, the problem is that he’s got a friend with him. I don’t do collateral damage so I silently follow them, take note of the apartment, and decide to visit him early in the morning instead.

    Next morning I’m there, birds haven’t started chirping yet and I feel like the only fucker awake in the entire goddamn city. I pick the lock and sneak in right. Soon as I walk in I see him. He’s hanging there. Throat cut, fingers cut of and all the blood had been drained. Some sadistic motherfucker had already been there and killed him. Looked like he tortured him as well, he had whip scorns on his back and burn marks on his chest, in fact his skin had fucking melted. His entire chest was deformed.

    It was at this point that I realized that I’m not special. I’m not immortal and I’m certainly not the fucking reaper. I’m just another fucker with a gun running around doing what others don’t want to do themselves. And most importantly, if someone found out that I had killed their relative or their friend or whatever, I could end up like that motherfucker, choking on my own blood. That’s when I started smuggling coke instead.


  2. Crime Anecdote

    So, I was doing this gig with two of my buddies and one other guy who apparantly was a friend of my friend. We were going to be bodyguards for this paranoid rich guy, it was just like any other job, just some easy money. We managed to get this guy to pay us 800$ an hour which was totally nuts, he apparantly thought that some crazy former employee of his was going to come after him, and he didn’t want to call the police because of reasons he would not tell us, it was probably some tax evasion or some shit. Long story short we were getting overpaid by some paranoid rich guy, just another job right? Well so I thought.

    About 6 hours into the job, the most interesting thing that happened was when a paper bag flew across the street, not very intense so to speak. Our employer was just walking around being extremely nervous for the entirety of 6 hours.
    I then needed to go to the bathroom so naturally I told my buddies to keep watch while I was taking a break. I took my gun and everything with me. But when I came back I noticed that no one was keeping watch anymore. I then decided look for them, and while I was making my way into our employers living from I start to hear sirens outside and so I hide because i figured someone decided to call the cops after seeing our guns or something. So I tried to sneak out in the back and keep in mind this is a big mansion. As I make my escape I overhear these cops talking about why they are arresting him and apparantly they are there because somebody reported that his boss were taking strong hallucinating drugs.

    As I continue on my way out one of the officers see me and start to run after me, and after that I ran like never before out of the back of the house, as I stumble down the hill I can hear yelling and sirens behind me. I had ran about 3 blocks into town when I decided to hide in a trashcan, I’m not kidding. When I’m hiding in there I can just hear about 6 cops running by and meanwhile I’m in this disgusting trashcan filled with all kinds of trash… and me. After a few hours I got out and walked home stinking like 2 year old rotten egg.



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