Writing and editing skills

1.Grammar – present continuous
The ”-ing” tense, also known as the present progressive. It is mostly used:
– for currently ongoing actions
Not now, I’m eating my lunch.
– for intended future actions
I’m meeting him at the pub after work.
It is NOT used for habitual, repeated actions
Every day I’m meeting him at the pub after work
We will do a short quiz to check our knowledge of the present continuous.
2. Punctuation
Clear punctuation makes the reader’s job much easier. If you aren’t sure which punctuation to use, it can help to read out loud.
Add punctuation to the following paragraph:

I climbed over the railing again and kicked the French window in used my hat for a glove and pulled out most of the lower small pane of glass I could now reach in and draw a bolt that fastened the window to the sill the rest was easy there was no top bolt the catch gave I climbed in and pulled the drapes off my face neither of the two people in the room paid any attention to the way I came in although only one of them was dead

Raymond Chandler, ‘

3. Improving your analysis
Summarising the plot or premise of the book.
Keep it concise! Choose the most important points.
It’s been 80 years since the war. The aliens, or as most people call them, buggers, lost. A second war is inevitable but this time the humans lack the great general Mazer Rackham whowon them the war last time. In the story we follow a boy called Ender. He has to make a choice between his family and ordinary life, or join a battle school and help humanity win against the buggers.
Wilmer
Comparative analysis:
 
Ender’s siblings, Valentine and Peter play a much bigger role in the book than in the movie. In the movie all you see of them is at the beginning and when Valentine meets Ender after he has come back to Earth, while in the book they basically take over the entire world. You miss out on so much: Peter getting help from Valentine even though she does not trust him, Valentine playing a role she does not agree with and her dad agreeing with the things she writes. You get to read about how she struggles to not becomethat person, as Mr Scott Card nicely puts it: “Perhaps it’s impossible to wear an identity without becoming what you pretend to be”.
Simon
I was first introduced to “The Ender” universe when I watched the movies and I really enjoyed it, but compared to the book they are very dull. The book is much better than the movie because we learn more about Ender and that’s really important when it’s about such a complex character as Ender. The biggest different in my opinion between the book and the movie is Ender’s psychological health: in the movie he is just a lonely guy, but in the book it’sa lot more complex, he is almost depressed at one point. At the end of his training he wants to quit. This is something we never see in the movie and when we first meet Mazer Rackham he tells Ender that he is going to break him down, it really sets a tonefor the situation Ender is in. when even his trainer is going to break him down just to see if he is “the one”.
Jesper H.
Quotations:
“Ender, the best you can do is choose to fill the roles given you by good people, by people who love you.”
I think she is explaining to Ender her view of a human life. She is telling him that he must look through the fact that people have used his life. Ender wishes he could be totally free, but in the end he knows that they all must serve someone. He chooses to serve the bugger because he wants to know the path they have set out for him.
Johan
4. Activity: Editing and redrafting

Choose one paragraph from your reading journal that could be improved in any of the following ways:cartoon2bof2bday-editor

  • correct grammar
  • correct punctuation
  • more concise description
  • better use of quotation
  • comparison with other books/films
  • response to critics

Post the original and improved paragraphs in the comments, clearly labeled Before and After.

10 reaktioner till “Writing and editing skills”

  1. Before
    When entering his room one day Ender discovers a letter on his bed. The letter tells Ender that he’s joining one of the real tournament armies, called the Salamander army. There’s usually only older kids there in the ages of 12-13 but 7 year old Ender is joining anyway.

    The Phoenix army is led by his old friend that he used to practice with, Petra.

    After
    When entering his room one day, Ender discovers a letter on his bed.The letter tells Ender that he’s joining one of the real tournament armies, called the Salamander army. There are usually only older kids there in the ages of 12-13 but 7 year old Ender is joining anyway.

    The Phoenix army is led by his old friend, which he used to practice with, Petra.

    Gilla

  2. Before

    Enders game
    The book pulled me in right away, the struggles of Enders everyday life and the mysteries that rise right away, the monitor, the buggers the technology, how smart he is and why he is called the “third” then when you get the answer why are they only allowed to have two children the questions just keep coming, everything is a little strange and that’s what is so interesting about science fiction, there is something amazing that just pulls you in there and you cant stop reading.
    The first thing that I get intrigued by is the fact that ender is so smart, he’s so young and he can do so much already some things that I wouldn’t think of even as a 17 year old, like when he thought that he had to take care of the problem so that they wouldn’t bother him again and things like that, and that he doesn’t have to pay attention in school and still knows everything.

    After

    Enders game
    The book pulled me in right away. The struggles of Enders everyday life and the mysteries that rise right away the monitor, the buggers, the technology, how smart he is and why he is called the “third”. Later when you get the answer, why are they only allowed to have two children? The questions just keep coming. Everything is a little strange and that’s what is so interesting about science fiction. There is something amazing that just pulls you in there and you can’t stop reading.
    The first thing that I get intrigued by is the fact that ender is so smart, he’s so young and he can do so much already. Some of those things I wouldn’t even think of as a 17 year old. When he realized that he had to take care of the problem now and forevermore after they took away his monitor. “I have to win this now, and for all time, or I’ll fight it every day and it will get worse and worse”. Thinking like that intrigues me. That fact that he doesn’t have to pay attention in school and still knows everything amazes me too.

    Gilla

  3. Before:
    During their first training with Ender, Ender praises Bean and makes the rest despise him, much like what Colonel Graff did to Ender, and it shows that you haft to do certain things even if it seems like it would only do harm.

    After:
    During their first training with Ender, Ender praises Bean and makes the rest despise him. Much as Colonel Graff did to Ender. It shows that you have to to do certain things even if it seems like it would only do harm.

    Gilla

  4. Version 2

    Before
    When entering his room one day Ender discovers a letter on his bed. The letter tells Ender that he’s joining one of the real tournament armies, called the Salamander army. There’s usually only older kids there in the ages of 12-13 but 7 year old Ender is joining anyway.

    The Phoenix army is led by his old friend that he used to practice with, Petra.

    After
    When entering his room one day, Ender discovers a letter on his bed.The letter tells Ender that he’s joining one of the real tournament armies, called the Salamander army. There are usually only older kids there in the ages of 12-13 but 7 year old Ender is joining anyway.

    The Phoenix army is led by his old friend, who he used to practice with, Petra.

    Gilla

  5. Before:
    Chapter 11,12 and 13
    The leaders of the Battle School give Enders army an unperceived number of battles in a very short time. Ender manages to win all of them. After doing so they decide to increase the difficulty. Ender gets to fight armies under no protection. He manages to do well and win. In his last fight Ender and his army have to win against two armies at once.
    Bonzo gets really mad at Ender’s success and therefor arranges to attack Ender while he is showering. He commands his guys to close the shower doors and starts fighting Ender.
    Bonzo can’t get a good grip to him because Ender is wet and slippery. Ender knocks Bonzo to the ground hard enough to knock him unconscious. Ender notices how the fight with Bonzo mirrors his fight with Stilson and is not happy about what he has done. Ender runs away crying.
    He has had enough of his life in the Battle School and demands the leaders to go back to Earth and see his family. His demand is accepted but he only gets to see his sister, Valentine. Graff brings the 2 to a place where they can be left alone and lets them enjoy seeing each other. Now that Ender is far more motivated Graff moves him to Command School. Where he would learn more about real fighting and how to lead a real army.

    After:
    Chapter 11,12 and 13
    The leaders of the Battle School give Enders army an unperceived number of battles in a very short time. Ender manages to win all of them. After doing so they decide to increase the difficulty. Ender gets to fight armies under no protection. He manages to do well and win. In his last fight Ender and his army have to win against two armies at once.
    Bonzo gets really mad at Ender’s success and therefor arranges to attack Ender while he is showering. He commands his guys to close the shower doors and starts fighting Ender.
    “The only way to end things completely… was to hurt Bonzo enough that his fear was stronger than his hate” – Ender did not only want to win this battle. He wanted to win the next ones too. He didn’t want it to happen again. The only way to achieve that is by violence.
    Bonzo can’t get a good grip to him because Ender is wet and slippery. Ender knocks Bonzo to the ground hard enough to knock him unconscious. Ender notices how the fight with Bonzo mirrors his fight with Stilson and is not happy about what he has done. Ender runs away crying.
    “I didn’t want to hurt him!” he insists. “Why didn’t he just leave me alone!” – Ender did not want to do what he has done. He now feels bad for it.
    He has had enough of his life in the Battle School and demands the leaders to go back to Earth and see his family. His demand is accepted but he only gets to see his sister, Valentine. Graff brings the 2 to a place where they can be left alone and lets them enjoy seeing each other. Now that Ender is far more motivated Graff moves him to Command School. Where he would learn more about real fighting and how to lead a real army.

    *Added 2 quotes.

    Gilla

  6. Before
    The book starts off with the quote “I’ve watched trough his eyes, I’ve listened trough his ears, and I tell you he’s the one” they all have great expectations of him and so do we as the readers. Ender is called “the third” because he is the third child of the family and all of them are considered geniuses too but doesn’t have the exact balance of harmony and vengeance, Peter who is the oldest brother of the siblings is considered to be too vengeful against his enemies, too aggressive and often solves all of his problems with violence. Valentine on the contrary had some great expectations too but was later notified as too kind-hearted and compassionate against her enemies, she was too kind to be a great leader. The humans needed the one with the balance of those two acts of vengeance and harmony, that is why Ender is “the one” he possesses the balance and thinks throughout his actions against the enemies and doesn’t often solve problems with violence unlike Peter, neither is he too kind like and let the enemy run off and create a bigger group to fight off him.

    After
    The book starts off with the quote “I’ve watched trough his eyes, I’ve listened trough his ears, and I tell you he’s the one” they all have great expectations of him and so do we as the readers. Ender is so called “the third” because he is the third child and the youngest of the family and all of them are considered geniuses, but doesn’t have the exact balance of harmony and vengeance. Peter who is the oldest brother of the siblings is considered to be too vengeful against his enemies, too aggressive and often solves all of his problems with violence. Valentine on the contrary had some great expectations too, but was later notified as too kind-hearted and compassionate against her enemies, she was too kind to be a great leader. The humans needed the one with the balance of those two acts of vengeance and harmony, that is why Ender is “the one” he possesses the balance and thinks throughout his actions against the enemies and doesn’t often solve problems with violence unlike Peter, neither is he too kind and let the enemy run off and create a bigger group to fight off him.

    Gilla

  7. The Third in a family of geniuses is Ender Wiggin. A mix of his older brother and sister, the mix of anger and hate together with his sister’s humbleness and sympathy. Ender has therefore been picked to join the Battle School in hope of finding the new Mazor Rackham. Ender will have to work hard, often alone and isolated from the group. He will therefore have to find ways to practice with a partner. Enders combat skills accelerate as time is running out for humanity and Ender is facing it all.

    Gilla

  8. Before
    There is a big diffrent between me and Ender because I show respect to any adults that I meet just because they treat me diffrently I still show respect to them, but Ender if even an adult doesn’t show respect to him he want to him beat them or atleast revenge against them. It isn’t just because of that there are many things that are seperating us and that is because i’m not as strong like him if I were the protagonist in the book it would not be interesting because i’ve would not do daring stuff like him that could change his life very diffrently.

    After
    There is a big diffrents between me and Ender because I show respect to any adults that I meet, just because they treat me diffrently I still show respect to them, but Ender if an adult doesn’t show respect to him he wants to hit them or atleast have revenge against them. It isn’t just because of that, there are many things that are seperating us and one of them is that i’m not as strong like him, if I were the protagonist in the book, it would not be interesting because i’ve would not do daring stuffs like him that could change his life very diffrently

    Gilla

  9. Before:
    The novel I have read is set in the future and filled with spaceships, aliens (which called the ”buggers”) and war games, In my opinion Orson Scott Card’s book the Ender’s game is the best science fiction book I have ever read in my entire life because Ender’s game has a great backstory of the value and importance of friendship. If people say that this book is bad, then they don’t know what science fiction is.

    After (I have changed some small things):
    The novel I have read is set in the future and filled with spaceships, aliens (which called the ”buggers”) and war games. In my opinion Orson Scott Card’s book the ”Ender’s game” is the best science fiction book I have ever read in my entire life because Ender’s game has a great backstory of the value and importance of friendship. If people say that this book is bad, then they don’t know what science fiction is.

    Comparison with the film and the book :
    Ender’s siblings, Peter and Valentine play a much bigger role in the book than the movie. In the movie all you see of them is at the beginning of the film and when Valentine meets Ender after when he come back to earth. While in the book they basically take over the world and giving us more details about Ender’s siblings.
    Peter is getting help from Valentine even though she doesn’t trust him. You get to read about how she struggles to not become that person.

    Gilla

  10. Before
    Ender sees all of this and doesn’t get disoriented and finds it funny. Graff asks him what is so funny, and he explains. Graff asks the other children if they found it funny, and they all say no, and Graff insults them saying that Ender is the smartest among all of them. And that’s where the isolation starts.

    After
    Ender sees all of this and doesn’t get disoriented. Instead he finds it funny. Graff sees this and asks Ender what is so funny, and Ender explains. Graff asks the other children if they found it funny. They all say no, and Graff insults them saying that Ender is the smartest among all of them: ”There’s only one thing that will make them stop hating you. And that’s being so good at what you do that they can’t ignore you. I told them you were the best. Now you damn well better be.”
    And that’s where the isolation starts.

    Gilla

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